Thoughts and Stuff.....

So I've been thinking about lots of stuff lately. I kind of have to keep it vague, because of the internet and such. But I've come to the realization that there are just some things I'm going to have to accept. Adam will forever play WOW. Anthony will probably cry every morning I bring him to school. The dog will always beg for food and run away. There are not enough hours in the day to get done what I want to. Life goes on even when I'm not there.
And I've had some important discoveries, too. Friends are really REALLY important, especially when they aren't nearby anymore :( If I don't get the house cleaned, it's not the end of the world. I need to appreciate my husband more. I need to appreciate the kids more. Our time on this earth is very limited.
I've started reading the Book of Mormon again, only this time, I'm trying to read it like a history book. I haven't decided whether or not I want to go back to the Mormon church, because I have a lot of issues with it still. But I figure if I have any interest at all, I need to start from the beginning and UNDERSTAND all the principles, even if I don't agree with some of them. It's actually been very enlightening, and sometimes I'll find a scripture that really helps me through my day. I know both my parents REALLY want me to start going back to church. And part of me wants to, also. But there are a lot of obstacles - Adam really seems to have no interest in going to church with me, and I really want to be able to go as a family, and because of the way I was SO anti - Mormon when I met Adam, I think I made him not like the church. Plus, it's hard being able to go to Relief Society by myself when I do go, because the kids don't like to be separated from me. It's really a big issue that I don't talk about a lot. But it's almost always on my mind every day. My sister has had the missionaries over to her house recently, and I wish I was that brave, but I'm not. I don't want to say or do the wrong thing and have them be like, "WELL......she's hopeless. She's going to hell, just like all the other sinners!" I mean, I doubt they would actually say that, but still.......I don't know.

The joys of taking naps with your children.....

Yeah, no. Not really. It's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. Grrr. But, on the other hand, I have rediscovered my love for the Dixie Chicks music........ (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=25145572)
Yay. Anyway, off to bed to lay there and not sleep....

Silly Survey

If someo​ne liked​ you right​ now, would​ you want them to tell you?
Sure, why not? It's always nice to hear, even though nothing would ever come of it.

What'​s somet​hing you eat or drink​ peopl​e would​ think​ is nasty​?
Dry cereal.

How many peopl​e have you reall​y loved​?​
Three.

Do you enjoy​ late night​ phone​ conve​rsati​ons?
Sometimes.

What’​s your hair look like today​?
Crap....frizzy, haven't showered yet, yes, I'm a scumbag.

Is there​ someo​ne you'​d like to fix thing​s with?
Who knows......sometimes, sometimes not.

How'​s your heart​ latel​y?​
Very happy.

What are you doing​ tonig​ht?​
Wrapping more presents, cooking.

Do you think​ you can last in a relat​ionsh​ip for three​ month​s?​
Well, I hope so, Adam and I have been together for 9 years now.....

Could​ you go out in publi​c looki​ng like you do now?
Oh man no. I'm still wearing clothes from yesterday and I haven't showered......ew.

Have you ever made someo​ne so mad that they broke​ somet​hing?
You bet.

What kind of mood are you in?
Tired, happy, excited, creative, thoughtful, you know, the usual.

Plans​ for tomor​row?
​What's tomorrow again? oh yeah, Saturday....probably something Christmas-ey.

Where​ did you get the shirt​ you'​re weari​ng?​
The thrift store on base.

What would​ you do if you won the lotte​ry?​
Pay off all my family's debts, buy a house, put the rest under my mattress.

Do you regre​t anyth​ing from your past?​
Nope.

Do you pay any bills​?​
No, I just take care of the chitlins.

Have you ever made a mista​ke?​
Every day!

Are you shy?
Not in the least bit.

In the past week have you smile​d?
Yup!

Have you told anybo​dy you loved​ them today​?
Sure have!

Do you think​ too much or too littl​e?​
I think WAAAAAAYYYYYY too much.

Do you put shamp​oo in your left or right​ hand?​
Left.

When you take a drink​ of somet​hing,​ do you hold your pinky​ up?
No.

What'​s the most domin​ant color​ in your room?​
Military white.

How many times​ do you knock​ on a door?​
Five.

Does anyon​e compl​etely​ under​stand​ you?
I doubt it, I don't even understand myself.

Do you write​ how you speak​?
​Yes.

Do you under​stand​ footb​all?
​Yes, and I love it.

What’​s the great​est thing​ that happe​ned to you today​?
​Stuff working out like I wanted it to.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Yes, unless it's a certain time of the month.

Last time you wore the oppos​ite sex'​s cloth​ing?
​A couple days ago.

If you could​ move somew​here else,​ would​ you?
To NC - ASAP!!!!

Do you ever think​ "​what if" about​ anyth​ing?
Yes, a lot.

Are you happy​ with the way thing​s are going​?​
Yes!

In the past week have you cried​?
A few times, see above crying question.

Do you have a reaso​n to smile​ right​ now?
Yes, my babies, sewing, almost being done with presents, cooking.

Has anyon​e said they love you in the last week?​
Oh yes.

Do you think​ you would​ be a good paren​t?
I try my best!

Do you usual​ly have weird​ dream​s?​
All the time.

Do you like your bed?
Eh, not really, Anthony's is way comfier.

Is there​ anybo​dy you wish you could​ be with right​ now?
Myself? Does that count??!!

Did you get a full 8 hours​ of sleep​ last night​?​
Ha! That's funny.......no.

Why did you kiss the perso​n you last kisse​d?​
Anthony: just woke up and looked really cute

What do you usual​ly do right​ when you wake up?
Go back to sleep, lol!

Do you find the oppos​ite sex confu​sing?​
Only certain members............

Tatto​os?
​Not for me.

How long does it take for you to take a showe​r?
12 minutes.

What'​s the last thing​ you ate?
Popcorn cereal M&M snack mix. Very healthy.......

What time did your alarm​ clock​ get you up today​?
Alarm?? Ha, I've been up since 2 am.

How did you feel when you woke up today​?
Pissed that no one came to wake me up from Anthony's bed.

Is someo​ne on your mind right​ now?
Not really.

Do you curse​ a lot?
Oh hell yeah!

Are you too forgi​ving?
Not really.

Forgiveness

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)

How do you begin to forgive someone who has hurt you? Do you begin sifting through your pain to find the one grain of rationale that could excuse the other person's behavior?The truth is that forgiveness has nothing to do with who is right or wrong. Forgiveness is a free agent. It is not attached to reason or agreement or even understanding. It is, however, attached to wholeness and to your healing and liberation.Unforgiveness is a prison. It slams the door on new beginnings and entrenches you in your present pain. It chains the heart and stops it from beating. It suffocates joy and paralyzes your ability to move on. Unforgiveness is the cancer of the soul. It slowly eats away the marrow of your existence and impairs your judgement, your personality, and your ability to love again. The desire to want the other person who hurt us to also be hurting can be overwhelming. We become jealous of their joy, wanting them to feel the torture we think they deserve. How can she act as though nothing ever happened? we ask ourselves. It's not fair? Where is God in all this? Is there no justice?Yes, there is justice. But justice comes only after we have released our offender into the hands of the One who is solely in the position to judge. Only God knows both sides of the story. Only He knows the deficiencies of both parties. The fears, the past wounds, the generational conditioning, the weaknesses, the insufficiencies of character and integrity. He knows the things that we in the glow of the love failed to notice. The things that should have warned us to guard our hearts.Only God knows the hidden motives and the unspoken regrets of the one who hurt you. The assumptions we make usually do more damage than the truth. Yes, our imaginations can be unmerciful. Trust me, it's never what you think. Your guesses will always be more cruel than the reality of what really transpired, adding unnecessary injury to insult.You need to let it go. You need to forgive. Not for his sake-for yours. It's time to redirect your focus and move on. And you won't be able to do that if you continue to nurse and rehearse your anger, the many wrongs done against you, all the reasons why.If you can't forgive for your own sake, forgive for God's sake. He needs your hands open in order to bless you. Cooperate. No one who wronged you that much deserves so much of your attention. Your fixation is standing in the gap between that person and God, shielding him from conviction. Move out of the way. Free him to receive the proper correction from God.

Still working on this....more to come....

It's really early for me...or is it late?

It's 5:45 a.m. I am not usually up right now. This is wierd but in my defense, I've been awake since three....ugh. I'm sure I COULD have gone back to bed, but I didn't really want to. I fell asleep with Anthony again, his bed is just way too darn comfy! Then when I woke up, I wanted to do all this stuff, sew, crafts, cook, you know, anything except housework that really NEEDS to be done, lol!

Today they are having "Cruising Keesler", a car and motorcycle show on base, and I'm taking the kids to it. It should be fun. I took them to Lynn Meadows last night to see Bob the Builder (in Ayden's words, "Fun seeing Bob the Builder!") and play for a little bit. They had a lot of fun. They haven't been in a while, cause I normally work on Fridays, and Adam is just too tired after working all day to take them (I don't blame him). But this Friday I was actually off work. I've been out of work since Tuesday because I hurt the tendon in my left arm. I left work early Tues. night to go to the ER because it hurt so bad. They gave me prednisone, aleve, and vicodin. So, thanks to my friend vicodin, I've gotten lots of sleep the past few days, so I'm not worried about being up so early. At least, I'm not worried right now....just give me a few hours, lol.

It's the time of year that I absolutely love, fall! I love all the smells, all the leaves blowing, the cold, crisp air, Halloween, and the start of Christmas season. I had a lot of fun painting a jack o lantern flower pot (pictures to come) a couple of nights ago. It was one of those things where you're afraid what's in your head will not be the final outcome. But it actually turned out better than I imagined! I really like it. It was cheap, too, the pot was $3, the paint was $3, and the finishing spray was $5. And I still have lots of leftover paint and spray.

Now I'm trying to think of some fun crafty things to do with the kids. I bought a really cute plastic picnic table at the thrift store on base, and they love to sit out there and color and paint, but I think this weekend I want to do a big craft thing with them. I just don't know what. I have these masks that go over your eyes that you can glue and paint and decorate, and some glitter and stuff, so maybe I'll do that.

I also found a really good recipe for homemade oreos - here is the link:">http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/05/my-kingdom-for-a-glass-of-milk/
And I mean, it is GOOD. The first batch I made I cooked for nine minutes, and although oreos ARE crunchy, these came out a little TOO crunchy. So the next batch I cooked for eight minutes....and they were HEAVENLY! They tasted like a mix between regular oreos and cakesters. Man they were good.....they didn't last too long, either.

I love fall because I get so much more inspired to bake. Baking is definitely a passion for me. If I can bake something really good, that will just make my day. I would love to open up a little bake shop one day. Who knows, though....I always change what I want to do on a daily basis.

Now it just needs to get light out so I can take pictures of my flowerpot...................